Aphorisms

by Griffin R.K.

1. The desire for reality is perhaps one of man’s most bizarre.

2. Then again, life doesn’t have to beckon and cajole like death does.

3. It is often believed our suffering is redeemed by beauty. Really, just the turning of heads?

4. Our lives are spent and go away completely uninterrupted.

5. Sprouting wings tends to be a pain, but you’re just a person without them.

6. Perhaps each suicide should be performed before a panel of judges.

7. How long did it take Lazarus’ eyes to readjust? Or to break-in life like new boots?

8. The young are surer than the old that God is through with them.

9. You were dead not too long ago, and now you’re bored.

10. I’m glad my tears aren’t cheap.

11. Geriatrics tend to regard the youth like the hands of a clock.

12. "Would you do it all over again?"—Only if it were exactly the same.

13. Man has done the impossible and is somehow self-enslaved.

14. Nobody is more worthy of our disinterest than people who know that they’re beautiful.

15. Only amongst torturers and executioners is it apt to fear the skills of their apprentices more.

16. Never thank people you’re paying.

17. The soul is whatever you are bereft of words.

18. Every wild animal would kill themselves if only they knew they could die.

19. Conjugal love is much like a taxidermy of regular love.

20. What does it say about God that our sex wounds him so deeply?

21. All men die young, and never has a man been old.

22. Thank the gods that the seasons don’t go out looking for Nirvana.

23. Oneirologists know that a man can scarcely go twelve hours without yearning for death.

24. An especially pertinent insult is flattering, if nothing else.

25. Oneirologists know that coffee and sugar seem to be the only two things that can assuage our nightly yearnings for death.

26. The Christian worldview: “It is better we have justice than no need for it!”

27. I’ve heard it purported that the ghosts of stillborns often exhale sighs of relief as they fly up to Heaven.

28. I hope for the sake of the religious that they’re wrong.

29. Many contagions we politely refer to as “popular.”

30. The mentally ill are those amongst us who don’t take comfort in their misery.

31. We rub salt in the wounds of children by reminiscing on our childhoods.

32. It seems no one’s secrets are more difficult to keep than your own.

33. Sometimes what we despise most is that no real tragedy in our lives can account for our misery.

34. “Life’s biggest questions” tend to be decided by their entertainment value.

35. That the universe was made in only six days seems quite believable.

36. Most of what we come across in life only serves to christen what we’ve known since birth.